


Safe and Sound

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, M/M, Mental Illness, Panic Attack, mental health, stray kids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22272823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jisung suffers from crippling anxiety and only his boyfriend Chris knows the true severity of it. Jisung is scared that he's a burden, but Chris could never think that.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han
Kudos: 73





	Safe and Sound

Jisung crumbled into a sweaty, shaking heap in the corner of the room, tears threatening to fall from his wide doe eyes as he trembled. He didn’t have words to speak, but he wanted to call for Chris. He was terrified. Chris had always said that if Jisung had panic attacks, he was to come to him and let him know. But this one had come without warning, and everything was blurry, his heart pounded and he felt sick to his stomach, unable to think straight as a million thoughts rushed through his head at once. Jisung covered his mouth, trying to stop himself from sobbing, he couldn’t breathe, he felt like he was dying...he wanted Chris. 

Jisung tried to push himself further against the wall, almost as if he hoped to disappear through it into some alternate reality where none of this shit was happening and he felt okay, which never seemed to be the case these days. He would have periods of feeling brighter, but then he’d remember all of his worries and he came right back down to earth.

As another severe wave came crashing down on him, he couldn’t help but let out a loud sob, feeling his body shake with the volume of the cries that left his cracked lips. Part of him really hoped that Chris had heard him. He was suffering, he needed Chris to come and drag him out of the burning hell he was sitting in or he felt like he might suffocate, or his poor pounding heart might just give in and stop. Jisung thought maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing at this point, he was so fed up of suffering with all of this shit. Every single day he had to put up with crippling anxiety that shook him to his very core and made him feel sick to his stomach every day without fail. His medication wasn’t helping much anymore and he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to go back to his doctor, he just wanted everything to fix itself so he could wake up without feeling like throwing up, being in social situations without feeling sweaty and faint, worrying about every single little thing he’d ever done or ever would do. 

The door handle moved and there was a light knock at the door and Jisung froze up. Was it Chris? Or was it one of the other guys? The others didn’t know just how severe his anxiety was, and he didn’t want them to find out just yet. He knew how dumb that sounded, he wanted help but he didn’t want to tell the others. Jisung just hated to worry people. He hated being a burden. He’d want help but then regret it when he realised that he’d probably said too much and he was so scared that people would leave him because of it.

“Sungie? Are you okay?” 

Jisung nearly sobbed again, it was Chris. He couldn’t breathe steady enough to give a coherent answer and there was another knock, louder this time. 

“Jisungie, talk to me baby”

The cry waiting to come out finally wracked Jisung’s body as it tore from his throat. That was more than enough for Chris to grab his keys and jam them into the groove of the lock to open it from the outside. After a few seconds of almost bending his damn keys, Chris managed to open the door and he shut it behind him, locking it tightly again and ever so slowly approaching the scared boy in the corner of the depressingly dark room. Jisung looked up at him with teary eyes, unable to do anything but gasp for air and let the tears flow freely as he grabbed for Chris. The older boy grabbed Jisung and pulled him close, stroking his sweaty hair and shushing him, trying his hardest to calm him as softly and soothingly as he could, as not to scare him more. 

“Shhh my baby...it’s okay, I’m here now”

“You’re safe sweetheart, I’ve got you”

Jisung felt faint, he wasn’t sure what Chris was saying but he knew that his voice was very soothing and it made the pain lessen slightly. The small boy was pulled tight against Chris, head flush against his chest. He heard a sound that seemed to sing to him, but it wasn’t a voice. Chris’ heartbeat echoed through Jisung’s ear like a drum and it started to have an effect on his own heart too, slowing it down every so slightly and letting him close his eyes and start to control his breathing. It took many minutes to gain back a somewhat decent sense of control over himself, and even then he didn’t feel like he was present in that moment. His head was in a nightmarish fairy land, not in the real world. But he knew Chris was there and he knew that the heart beating next to his ear was one that he had a part of his own heart dedicated to.

“You’re doing so well dear. Can you look at me?” 

Jisung stayed put for a few seconds, his brain still figuring out that Chris had spoken, and then gathered all his strength to lift his head, gazing up with bloodshot, tired eyes to look at the beautiful boy who was holding him close. 

“Oh my darling, look at you…”

Chris had teary eyes just looking at the shaking, damp eyed Jisung that shook in his arms, keeping his head up for only a few more seconds before letting it drop back down, too exhausted to keep it up any longer. 

“I love you so much, I’m so sorry you have to go through this....I wish I could make it go away..”

Jisung nodded. He knew that Chris would do anything to help him, but he was still worried that he would eventually become a burden. After all, he knew how busy and stressed out his boyfriend was almost every day. The last thing Chris needed was to put up with him, right? But every time he said that to Chris, he wouldn’t listen. He would shut Jisung down immediately, telling him all the reasons he could possibly think of as to why that was a complete load of bullshit, because no matter what, Jisung would never be a burden to him, ever. Chris never thought of anybody as a burden, especially not his bandmates, and especially not Jisung. But Jisung would always worry about this. He was so lucky to be close to so many amazing people, especially Chris, and scaring them away or annoying them would break his fucking heart.

Jisung clung to his boyfriend, feeling himself slipping into sleep despite his still ongoing panic. He couldn’t stop himself from being pulled into the arms of not only Chris, but the sleep that he so desperately needed. The heartbeat against his ear seeming to get quieter, and he wasn’t sure if it was just him, or if he was really falling asleep. 

Chris ran his hands through Jisung’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and letting a tear slip down his cheek as he held the younger boy in his arms. He wanted so desperately to help his boyfriend. He didn’t want to see him suffer like that, always in a state of panic and worry when he should have been able to live his life without such horrible thoughts on his mind all the time. He sighed as Jisung’s breathing became deeper, a clear sign that sleep had taken over, rendering him completely knocked out cold on the floor with Chris, slumped up against him, tears soaked into his shirt. Or was it sweat? Either way, Jisung was sleeping, finally in an at least semi-peaceful state where he didn’t have to worry. 

Chris lifted Jisung onto his bed and made sure he would be warm enough, wrapping him in a huge fleece blanket that would definitely keep him cosy. He sat there for a minute, just looking at Jisung, admiring the beautiful, tear stained boy laying there in front of him. He leaned in to press a kiss to Jisung’s forehead and decided he would stay with him until he woke up. He wasn’t going to leave Jisung on his own, even when he was in deep sleep. Chris was going to stay and keep his boyfriend safe and sound at all costs, no matter how long it took.


End file.
